This is the Most Fun I’ve Had Since I
Rotated My Shoe Trees
Written By: Stan Lee
Pencil Art: Dave Gibbons
Ink Art: Dick Giordano
Letterer: Bill Oakley
Colorist & Separator: Alex Sinclair
Front Cover Artists: Dave Gibbons,
Jeromy Cox
Back Cover Artist: Adam Hughes
“Just Imagine…” Initiated By: Michael
Uslan
Editors: Mike Carlin, Ivan Cohen
Executive Editor: Dan Didio
Cover Price: $5.95
Cover Date: December 2001
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT
THE BOTTOM**
Holy
crap. Not only does this reimagining of Green Lantern have pencils by the
incredible Dave Gibbons, but it’s inked by the inimitable Dick Giordano! This
is a classic Green Lantern tag team
from the 1980s. That alone should have been enough for me to give this a try,
but for whatever reason, in 2001, I did not. But today, in 2018, I have! So
have a look at my review of Just Imagine
Stan Lee’s Green Lantern, and
luxuriate in the four-color panels!
Explain It!
The
thing that differentiates Green Lanterns from their other super-powered
contemporaries is that they have to carry hardware. It was more common in the
Golden Age, but even then someone could swallow a serum or recite a formula to
kick in their hidden abilities. For most flying folks in tights, their powers
are innate, but Green Lanterns have to have this ring and a clunky lantern that
needs to be addressed every twenty-four hours. And yes, they’ve done away with
much of it by sticking these lanterns in a pocket dimension and practically
never mentioning the rings needing a charge anymore—my point is that it makes
Green Lanterns quite unique against a pantheon of gods and goddesses that can
crush mountains because they were born that way.
"I teach from this side of the desk because I'm down with the kids." |
Leonard
Lewis is an average Professor of Archaeology at an average university in the
average city of Los Angeles. We know he is average because the captions keep
telling us that these things are “like any other,” to an extent that is suspicious.
For one thing, we can tell the first time we see him that he is a total hunk
that has all the students in class swoonin’. For another thing, not every
professor has Erich Von Däniken’s Chariots
of the Gods on their syllabus.
I dunno...that would basically be Disney's Aladdin, right? |
That
Reverend Darrk and his Church of Erectile Dysfunction or whatever plays a much
bigger role in this comic than in the previous issues I’d read. He’s funding…or
forcing an African expedition headed by a supreme asshole named Cragg Crogor.
His name is “Cragg?” Not “Craig?” His parents actually named him “Cragg,” is
what you’re saying. Fine. He’s looking for some artifact or…something. It’s not
clear, and I’m not sure Cragg knows exactly, either. While he’s looking, he
indulges in shooting endangered species and murdering random people, because
you have to enjoy your work.
"Someone collect that hippo carcass for supper." |
One
of Leonard’s groupies students named Cathy Warren corners him after
class and listens to the guy wax on about mystic hoodoo and Yggdrasil, the
mythical Tree of Life. He’s headed to Africa just then, in fact, to find the
thing, and so Len bids Cathy goodbye and hastily splits. Cathy calls someone
unexpected—Reverend Darrk! She’s also doing his bidding, and he bids that she
worm her way into his African trip. Meanwhile, on the Dark Continent, Cragg and
his crew have found…something. A green mist covering an area of thick quicksand—so
thick, it pulls a tree trunk out of Cragg’s hands and dismantles a bulldozer! I
don’t really get that second part, but fine.
"Correction: the GHOSTBUSTERS' bulldozer!" |
At
the airport, which is like any other airport, Cathy finds Leonard and tells him
flat out that she’s nudging her way into his plans. And because she’s good
lookin’, he accepts it! Do you think it’s interesting that a student is able to
afford a last minute trip to Africa, Professor Lewis? No? Fine.
"Have you ever heard of the adage, 'ass, grass, or cash; nobody rides for free'?" |
Leonard
and Cathy make it to their destination: Central Africa. Anyone feel like naming
a country here? Africa has several dozen of ‘em. Where they want to go, no
guides will take them, for the place is cursed. When Len and Cathy make their
own way to the location, they find the same green mist and mud that Cragg was
fooling around with.
The sequel to Monster From Green Hell is slow-going, so far. |
And
hey, speaking of Cragg, here he comes now! He grabs Cathy and makes some lewd
suggestions, then shoots Leonard directly in the chest. The blow sends him
reeling backward into the mist and quicksand, into which he quickly disappears…and
then floats.
"If so, death is way more boring than anyone made it out to be." |
While
suspended in the muck, Yggradsil itself manifests and heals Leonard’s wound.
Then the magic tree bestows some powers on the guy and tells him to do some
good with ‘em.
You got the touch! You got the pow-werr! |
And
that’s when he becomes…the Swamp Thing Green Lantern!
Jon? ...Is that you? |
Leonard
powers down and makes his way back to Cragg, who is pretty surprised to see Len
walking among the living. While distracted, Cathy gets the drop on him, and the
two of them put some distance between themselves and the mean minions of
Reverend Darrk. But Cathy is also a minion of Darrk, and this was all a plan
concocted between them! A hail mary play in case the guy that got shot in the
chest came back as a super powered god, or something.
"And besides, you're hurting the rock's feelings." |
Cathy
and Leonard do escape Cragg and catch a flight back to America. While on board,
Cathy presses Len about what he found in the green mist, but he’s tight-lipped—so
she ignores him for the rest of the flight! That could have been as much as ten
hours. Meanwhile, Darrk is pissed at Cragg for failing all the time, and curses
him to age a year every day going forward, until he finds Leonard or the
artifact or something, for crying out
loud!
The "cosmic plan" involves all sorts of colored lights and lava lamps. |
Things
aren’t looking great for Cragg, but they’re great for Leonard Lewis, who enjoys
flying around and firing laser blasts and such. He thwarts a mugging and is
seen in broad daylight, drawing the attention of the media…and Reverend Darrk.
"It's sort of like lying down, but in the air." |
Cathy
also sees him out in the world, but in his regular guise as Professor Lewis.
Darrk has tasked her with killing Leonard, but she wants to get closer, find
out what he really knows about Yggradsil and his time in the green mist. Before
she can shadow him, there are sirens converging on the scene—responding to a
call about a flying green man, no doubt—and Cathy flees. Later, at home,
Leonard resolves that he has to keep his Green Lantern identity a secret,
because of reasons.
"Or I could just drop the Leonard Lewis personality, he's kind of a drip anyway." |
Leonard
heads into the desert to fool around with his powers, and has a pretty good
time flying around and splitting rocks. He finds, however, that his power
lessens over time—and like a battery, he must recharge, by powering down and
walking around like a lame human being for a while. So wait a minute, he was
bestowed powers by a timeless conceptual god and he still has to recharge them after a while? This is like all the
hassle of having a Power Lantern without having to lug something around! So
like 2/3rds of the hassle.
"Flying is easy," you said. "Like I've been doing it all my life," you said. |
Now
Darrk’s plan is to have something destroy Los Angeles, and that will draw Green
Lantern out for his plucking. Because he’s awesome, he magically activates a
gigantic Godzilla rip-off sticking out of a movie theater, and it starts
wrecking shop!
The trick is to incite the trademark lawyers for Godzilla and King Kong, then they trip each other up. |
Leonard
wants to change into the Jolly Green Giant, but Cathy is right behind him,
stalking him—and threatening to shoot him dead if he turns around! Leonard says
he won’t turn around, and turns into the Green Lantern with his back to her.
That changes her tune, I’ll tell you what!
"...and that booty!" |
In
fact, Cathy has an epiphany, seeing Green Lantern pummel away at this
tremendous movie monster display. She’s thrilled by his power, and the fact
that he saves her life like three times during the fight, and has moved
entirely from Reverend Darrk to the Church of Leonard Lewis. When Cathy sees he’s
about to get snatched up by the giant movie prop, she jumps in front of its
mechanical hand—sacrificing herself in the process!
Just let him climb to the top of a skyscraper, he'll put her down there. |
Using
his powers, Leonard heads right to the hideout of Cragg Cogor and his gang,
which is actually in a pretty normal-looking warehouse. He tussles with the bad
dudes, but then his powers wane and they are able to restrain him. Cragg
figures he can get back in good with Darrk if he takes Leonard to see him, so
they go for a little ride…and on the way, Leonard’s powers come back!
The Lincoln Mark XV. With optional moon roof. |
He
dispatches them with ease, but before he can get any pertinent information out
of Cragg, Reverend Darrk remotely ages him sixty years until he crumbles away,
a desiccated sack of bones. Darrk swears revenge from his purple cauldron, and
then…it just ends. That’s it. I guess there doesn’t need to be any more, but I
sort of expected a showdown between Darrk and Green Lantern. Next…issue…???
Nothing ends, Adrian. Nothing ever ends. |
This
issue has the longest “On the Street” backup of all the ones I’ve read, and it’s
the most interesting one. This is by Michael Uslan, José Luis Garcia-López,
Josef Rubinstein, Phil Felix and Alex Sinclair, and it’s about an undercover
cop named Kevin King, so deep in cover that he is nabbed by some other police
officers. They let him go, but say that he should take it easy and let the
superheroes handle the dangerous stuff. Kevin is like “fuck that,” and storms
off to do some traditional police work, aka rough up some crooks for
information.
"'Eyy, from one cop to anudda: we suck." |
On
his way to his mark, Kevin stops a looter, then saves a little girl from a
burning building. He spends so much time being a hero, he loses the guy he was
trying to pinch, and wonders if maybe it isn’t worth being a cop in a superhero
world anymore. But then the neighborhood kids tell him they want to be cops
because of him, and that’s swell!
"Unfortunately, you're all under arrest for loitering." |
Of
the three Just Imagine… books I’ve
read, this was the best. Dave Gibbons and Dick Giordano bless this book with a
clean, gorgeous layout and masterful rendering that draw immediate parallels to
their work together in the 1980s. While Leonard Lewis is kind of a dud, his
power set and the mystery of its origin is intriguing. That being said, this
was still pretty stupid. Leonard acquires his Yggradsil abilities so
conveniently, aside from the inconvenience of traveling back and forth to
Africa. Characters like Cragg are so underdeveloped and sniveling, they seem
tacked on, and the story ends like a dry fart. Though I did finally figure out what the “On the Streets” backups
are about—they’re what the average person “on the streets” is dealing with in
current Just Imagine… continuity! So
that’s fun. Overall, this is an interesting experiment, but I’d say it’s still
a failure based on this.
"And then, I have this strange desire to crucify him." |
Bits and Pieces:
Maybe the most awkward reimaginings of a superhero I've seen in this series thus far, the book's tepid story is inflated by the fantastic artwork to a level that could be considered mediocre. To be frank, I wouldn't have minded seeing more of the back-up story.
6.5/10
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