Mister Miracle #5 Review

I DON'T GET IT!!!

Written by: Tom King
Art by: Mitch Gerads and Clayton Cowles
Cover Price: $3.99
Release Date: December 13, 2017

I have not been the biggest fan of this series so far.  Because of that, I've been called awful names that question my intelligence and maybe they are deserved.  When I read this book, I feel like Josh Baskin in a meeting playing with a transformer that turns from a building into a robot...I don't get it!  I see all the accolades being thrown at this book and...I don't get it!  I read the tweets saying this is already a classic and...I don't get it!  I DON'T GET IT!!!

Please, somebody email me HERE and tell me what is going on in this series because I WANT TO GET IT!  I want to be included with everyone else and talk endlessly about how this book is changing the game and will be remembered forever.  Maybe this is the issue where Tom King actually does it for me.  Let's find out...


The issue starts with Scott and Barda outside of Grauman's Chinese Theatre on the Hollywood Walk of Fame.  They seem to be having fun when Funky Flashman shows up and he's a man with a plan.  His plan is suicide, literally.  Scott can get out of his execution by really committing suicide this time.  It seems a little basic, but I did like that FF messed up a couple names and there seems to be something to his dialogue about the New Gods needing Earth to like them.

We then have Scott and Barda checking into their room and it's sexy time.  I'm sure this is going to be a big thing for most reviewers and while I think it's a very hot scene with awesome art by Mitch Gerads, I would rather get a better understanding of the story than 29 panels of sex.  The best part is, we ain't done with that yet!

It's then off to Oberon's grave, rush hour traffic a diner scene and Scott trying to win a stuffed animal for Barda.  There is tidbits of conversation and a good bit of humor, but nothing that really caught my attention as important.  Things do seem to get more serious when Scott and Barda talk while sitting on the beach.  They also get way over the top pretentious as Scott goes on about Descartes and I suddenly remembered why I hated every philosophy class I took in college.  For the record, it was three.  The discussion is pretty much 101 and seems to be here to look smart or bore them or both.  Someone tell Scott to save this bullshit for his next hipster dinner party.  What's next, dark poetry?  "Darkness, my only friend..."

It's back to more gridlocked driving and more sex.  This time it's only about 12 panels before Funky Flashman arrives to help Mister Miracle escape his execution.  Unfortunately, Funky is not long for this world and we are left with Barda taking control.

Okay, we are five issues in and I have given up trying to guess what is really going on in this book.  Again, I may just be dumb and blind, but I am having a very hard time enjoying a book that is written in a way that seems to take joy in confusing the reader.  I know that Tom King must know what's going on, but I sure as hell don't.  Maybe it's my makeup...I am very impatient and hate surprises.

I do know one thing...I love Mitch Gerads art.  It is spectacular and I love just about every single panel he draws.

Bits and Pieces:

I know that I will be in the minority here, but I do not like this book. I swear to god that it's laughing at me every time I read it and it just points out how dumb I must be to not like it as much as everyone else.  Blue Pill, Red Pill?  Whichever one will help, give me three!  I said in earlier reviews that I do think that it will all make sense by the end.  I am losing hope.

5.5/10