Holy Fetal’s Gizzeroli
Writers:
Amanda Conner & Jimmy Palmiotti
Artist:
Simon Bisley
Colors:
Paul Mounts
Letters:
Dave Sharpe
Cover:
Amanda Conner & Paul Mounts
Cover Price:
$4.99
On Sale Date: March 29, 2017
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE BOTTOM**
Here it is: maybe the most obvious pairing in the DC
Universe, and not just because they’re both paste pot white. I’ve been a fan of
Lobo—this Lobo—since his debut, and
I’m pretty much the “Harley Guy” for Weird Science DC Comics Dot Com, so I
should get some enjoyment from this. I wonder if I will? I know, I can find out
by reading the review for Harley’s Little
Black Book #6 that I wrote, right here!
Explain
It!
You know, despite my crowing in the intro about how
obvious the pairing of Harley Quinn and Lobo might be, I must confess that I’ve
never considered it before. Sure, it seems obvious now that it’s done, but
until now I didn’t think there would be many instances that would allow the
Main Man and the Cutie Booty to intersect. And to be sure, there aren’t, since
Harley Quinn winds up on a prison spaceship randomly after using one of the
weird Kryptonian spheres Superman gave Harley like two Little Black Books ago.
This gives her the opportunity to interact with some incarcerated aliens, until
she inadvertently opens an air lock and flushes all of them gorily out into
space. Harley is able to hang on, however, and only her outer clothes are
whisked into the inky vacuum. Oh yeah. It’s one of those issues. If gratuitous cheese/beefcake and sexual innuendo are
not your thing, then do not read this comic book. Like, ever. It’s pretty much
70% about boobs, butts, and dicks. And a good ten or fifteen percent is about
smelly bathroom habits. I’m just saying. You ought to know before diving in to
the deep end of the commode.
As blood and guts spew from this offensively-shaped
prison ship, Lobo happens by and scans a bounty he’s been particularly itching
to hunt. And catch, I presume, the real gratification in bounty hunting must be
in bounty catching. After some back-and-forth that absolutely frags the prison
into a million pieces, Harley and Lobo take off on his space hog, and it might
be the fact that she’s somehow surviving in airless space, but she’s sort of
taken a shine to the old Czarnian. They crash land on a planet, which removes
more of their clothes and brings the pair perilously close to smooching when
Harley remembers that they have to exchange sexually-tinged barbs for a few
pages until a terrible storm breaks out.
Seeking shelter in a cave, they alert a terrible,
multi-eyed beast that chases them down and reveals itself to look absolutely
awesome, like some giant purple hand with a slavering mouth in the palm. Lobo,
being able to regenerate himself totally from a drop of blood, steps up to
fight the giant purple hand and tears it apart, to the horny glee of Harley
Quinn. As they sup upon this alien monster near a lake, the two chat some more
and Harley spontaneously decides to strip nude and jump into the water near a
waterfall. Unlike myself when I was a teenager, Lobo can take an obvious hint
and hops in the water to smooch Harley Quinn. Their imminent humping is stalled
when a giant, fanged snake leaps out of the water to attack everyone. The snake
chomps Lobo in one bite, then Harley jumps on its back and chokes the snake
until it barfs Lobo right back up—which hurts his masculine pride. While he
cleans up in the waterfall for another go at Harley’s snizz, Lobo clues in to
someone else occupying the planet: the owner of that prison ship they blew up
earlier! Her name is Catina Rev, incidentally. Not sure if that will be
important or not but I thought you should know.
Lobo and Catina Rev have a bit of history, and Harley
would like to make a little history with her attractive bodice. There’s some
back and forth, then Harley Quinn inadvertently blows her face off. Just then,
some pirates show up and capture Harley and Lobo. They’re about to serve them
to interstellar leeches, but Harley turns the tables and…I mean, you see how
this is going. Some sex, some monstrous danger, some gore. Rinse and repeat.
Without the rinsing, I mean. Eventually, they make it back to Coney Island,
where Lobo intends to hang out for a while, which could be kind of cool.
Simon Bisley is one of the best-known Lobo artists, and though I don’t like
the way he renders Harley Quinn, everything else looks appropriately gross and
grimy. As for the story…it has its laffs. It’s pretty much variations on the
same situation five times over, as stated in the last paragraph, but there are variations, and some of the banter
is just silly enough to get a chuckle. Look, I like Lobo, okay? I think his
shtick is funny and it works well with the equally crude Harley Quinn. If that’s
not your thing, then neither this issue nor this series will be to your liking.
Me, I think it’s fraggin’ funny.
Bits and
Pieces:
If you don't like potty humor and sexual innuendo in your comic books, then you probably stopped reading anything Harley Quinn-related a long time ago. The rest of us enjoy this comic and its nastiness, though the story itself is recursive. The art will take you back to the Main Man Lobo of yore, and fits the bill for this kind of gross-out butt-fest. Turns out Harley Quinn and that other pasty white dude with a broad grin make for the best couple in the DC Universe!
8/10
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