Contains Less Than 1% Squirrel Girl by Volume
Writer:
Zac Gorman
Artist:
Wil Robson
Color Artist: Tamra Bonvillain
Letterer:
VC’s Joe Caramagna
Cover:
Will Robson & Tamra Bonvillain
Cover Price:
$3.99
On Sale Date: November 30, 2016
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE
BOTTOM**
Last month, when I reviewed the first issue of the Great Lakes Avengers, I confessed to
being a GLA neophyte. Well, in the time that’s elapsed, I have become a
practical Great Lakes Avengers expert, thanks to consuming the
recently-released trade collection Squirrel
Girl and the Great Lakes Avengers. It was…okay. Had its funny moments. I
especially liked aspects of Dan Slott’s time on the title. But I did gain a
deeper understanding of this team, as well as some context for things that
happened in the last issue. So now, I am eminently prepared to bring to you my
review of Great Lakes Avengers #2,
right now!
Explain
It!
“It’s So Cold in the D” said rapper T-Baby, referring
to Detroit in the title and chorus. Looks pretty warm in the current issue of
the Great Lakes Avengers, however,
with hipsters lining up outside of the noisy Club Baphomet at 2:45 in the
morning, while Big Bertha and Flatman are trying to sleep. Actually, only Big Bertha
is trying to sleep, Flatman is succeeding nicely. That doesn’t stop Bertha from
waking up Doorman and taking the two of them across the street to Club
Baphomet, to confront the club owner, a guy in an impish devil’s mask named
Nain Rouge, French for “Red Dwarf.” He’s very gregarious and claims to be a
superhero himself, but went into the clubbing business because, well, he’s a
guy in a demon’s mask. What is he going to be, Super Satan? Nain Rouge points
to a drink list based on debasing members of the Great Lakes Avengers, and Big
Bertha gets rough with him.
Meanwhile, at a hospital, Good is holding vigil over
her injured brother Lucky by sleeping in a chair next to his bed, when he
starts wolfing out. Just then, the nurse is about to enter so Good attempts to
conceal Lucky’s pink arm, but the nurse shoos her away and says it’s not the
first werewolf she’s had to deal with. Really? Like, how many more have you
seen? I think this is something that should be part of the public record. Just
then, the TV snaps on to Detroit News Line, showing city councilman Dick “I
hate superheroes” Snerd at a press conference denouncing super powers. This
makes Good good and mad, so she storms out the room, headed…downtown. That’ll
do for a cut to the cemetery, I suppose, where Mr. Immortal is hanging out in
his coffin, breathing through an air tube. His buddy Mike comes buy and pours
water down the tube, then Mr. Immortal sticks a cork in it. Is any of this
going to become relevant later on, or are they just weird gags that keep
falling flat? Because the problem with this book, folks, is that it is just not
funny. No laugher ensues. It’s like a string of stupid scenes that are a chore
to read. And remember, I am now a Great
Lakes Avengers expert. So I know that it wasn’t very funny in its previous
iterations, either. But now I can see the lame jokes from the other iterations
being rehashed, and that just makes things worse. Why does this book exist? Who
asked for this?
Sigh. The rest of the GLA are in jail for assaulting
Nain Rouge, then some cops bring Good in and she almost kills one of them by
blue wolfing out. The GLA breaks out to help, the cops all draw their guns, and
then the Avengers’ lawyer storms in and informs the Detroit police that they
can’t mess with the GLA because they’re licensing the Avengers’ name or
whatever. Like, is this really a comic book? A lawyer storms in and saves the
day on some goofy shit? This ain’t John Byrne’s She-Hulk, for cripes sakes. Doorman whisks Mr. Immortal out of his
coffin, which will be important later I’m sure, and councilman Dick Snerd
leaves the police station, furious at being rebuffed by a lawyer. He enters his
limousine and—surprise—he puts on a devil mask to prove that he’s really Nain
Rouge, but by now I’m about ten pages past caring.
This book is unfunny junk. The story is not
compelling, the characters are more suited for 1980s Saturday morning cartoons
than a 21st century comic book, and the premise is annoying. I don’t
like the artwork either, but it is well-executed, and I suppose the plotting is
fine enough. But I can’t imagine why anyone would want to read this thing. And
it’s not just because it doesn’t have any Squirrel Girl (which it doesn’t), but
because it lacks focus and isn’t worthwhile reading.
Bits and
Pieces:
Why does this book exist? Was this a real pitch? "The GLA uses the Avengers' resources to legally use the name." This is like something out of a law school textbook. Utter nonsense. The art, you can take it or leave it, and I'd personally leave it. In fact, leave this whole comic book in the trash.
3/10
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