Raw Meat is Extruded Through Small Holes Into an
Intestinal Casing
Writer:
Chip Zdarsky
Penciler:
Joe Quinones
Inkers:
Joe Rivers and Marc Deering with Joe Quinones
Colorist:
Jordan Gibson with Joe Quinones
Letterer:
Travis Lanham
Cover Price:
$3.99
On Sale Date: October 12, 2016
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE
BOTTOM**
Most people can recall Wimpy J. Wellington’s refrain,
“I’d gladly pay you Tuesday for a hamburger today” from Popeye cartoons and comics, but how many people remember “Come on
up for a duck dinner—you bring the duck!”? That one was really popular in the
early E.C. Segar comic strips and Fleischer Studios cartoons. In fact, in the
triple-length film Popeye Meets Sindbad the Sailor, Wimpy is seen on Sindbad’s
island chasing a duck around with a meat grinder. Anyway, here’s a review of
the last issue of Howard the Duck by
Chip Zdarsky and Joe Quinones, which is, incidentally, not as good as Popeye.
Explain
It!
This issue opens with Howard, dead. Okay everyone, so
long! Hope you enjoyed my review! Just kidding, unfortunately. Howard really is
dead, though, a cradled in Tara’s arms while shit is just smoking and on fire
around them. Tara gets super mad and changes into a robot warrior duck head,
which was something I forgot she could do. I recall a bit about her having
Skrull blood or something? Tara is looking for the totally obvious analogue of
Chip Zdarky, who is responsible for stabbing Howard at the end of last issue,
which was the main contributor to him dying. Chip got a hold of some of the
Power Cosmic, though, and lets it infuse him with a golden body just like
Galactus’ herald, Scout has. While all of this is going on, that Punisher
Sentinel is still stomping around, killing metahumans, while Spider-Man makes ineffectual
attempts to stop it.
At the analogue to Marvel Comics, Joe Quinones is
somehow there, skulking around and hiding from someone that is most likely a
Marvel staffer. Ryan North cruises by on his hoverboard and whisks Joe Quinones
to safety and to be honest I am seriously thinking that the pagination was
wrong for this comic book. Back on Earth, Tara changes form and takes Major
Domo, who had been filming Howard’s stupid life as a reality show, into
custody. Over to Spidey and his problem, Punisher Sentinel spies Biggs the
half-robot cat lying on its back and warming its belly in a sunbeam. Punisher
Sentinel is touched and pets the robo-cat with a finger the size of a Volkwagen
Jetta, which Biggs likes an awful lot. So this stops its rampage. Swell. Back
at Marvel Comics, Ryan North is speeding Joe through a shared room that depicts
every Marvel creator as purple aliens. I spotted a few, but this whole thing
was so self-indulgent that it turned me off. The guy that is probably Purple Wil
Moss is closing in on Joe, but he sics all of the Marvel writers and pencillers
on the guy by shouting “creators’ rights!” and running away. Joe is tackled by
probably Purple Wil Moss, and is able to depress a button on his tablet
computer that takes to the afterlife, where Howard is rising to Heaven. Thanks
to the efforts of sorcerer/surgeon Dr. Strange, Howard is yanked back to the
real world which is a really mean trick if you ask me. Aunt May and Tara are
thrilled, then Chip Zdarsky with the Power Cosmic shows up to kill Howard. The
gang, including Spider-Man, protects him until Howard calls his pal Scout the
Herald, who surfs in and takes the Power Cosmic away from Chip. Howard punches
his lights out, which seems unlikely despite the fact that I bet Zdarsky has a
glass jaw.
An obvious analogue of Axel Alonso appears in his
Marvel transport ship to take Chip away, and then Axel asks Howard what they
should do about the Punisher Sentinel. Howard doesn’t want to give up Biggs the
robot cat, so Joe Quinones gives up his own Biggs, the source DNA for robot
Biggs or something, and also its green for some reason. This works well for
Punisher Sentinel and he fucks off quickly. Then Axel grants Howard one wish,
so he asks to remain in the Marvel Universe I guess? I’m not sure, but it looks
like a happy ending so revel in that. The letters section at the end is Wil
Moss, Chip Zdarsky, and Joe Quinones waxing on and on about how great this
series was, which seems pretty desperate when considering the final issue.
That was a let down. All of this “inside baseball”
shit left me completely cold, and the humor of the convenience of being a
“Sparkitect” or whatever you want to call it ran out about three issues ago.
This issue is like the moronic yearbook quote left by some attention
deficit-addled goofball that styled himself the funniest kid in school. I hope
it got autographed by some better writers dispensing advice. Joe Quinones’ art
is great as usual, but certainly not enough to carry this navel-gazing bore.
 |
| Gosh but I do love these variants! |
Bits and
Pieces:
Daffy Duck being hassled at the drawing table by artist Bugs Bunny, this is not.
5/10
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