Behind Every Successful Man is a Bizarro Woman
Art By:
Phil Jimenez, Matt Santorelli and Joe Prado, Jeromy Cox
Lettered By:
Rob Leigh
Cover Price:
$2.99
On Sale Date: September 14, 2016
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE
BOTTOM**
So now that Superwoman
is a comic book, I think it’s time for MAD
Magazine to make a Superduperwoman
parody. Superduperman, written by
Harvey Kurtzman and drawn by Wally Wood, is the first great satire of the
publication from way back in 1953. Here, you can check it out yourself until DC
Comics figures out that it’s online and rains holy legal terror on that humble
blog. I remember the first time I saw this story, in a reprint issue that came
with one of MAD’s regular Super Specials, and I thought it was
hysterical. So let me help the writers out a little: Clana Clang. Yawn Hungry Myrons
aka Squeel. “Specs” Loofa, billionaire industrialist and spindly nerd that uses
his robotic suit to turn into Wetropolis’ defender. The damn thing is writing
itself! It probably wouldn’t be as good as Superwoman,
though, which you may also find is true if you read on!
Lois Lane is dead. No, not the one that’s married
Clark Kent and has a kid with him, the other one that caught super powers when
the New 52 Superman died doing his super solar flare, and then was killed
herself by a Bizarro version of Superwoman from Earth-3. Yep, it’s comic books.
In the aftermath of an attack, Lex Luthor stands aboard his massive aircraft carrier
the Gestalt doing damage control and
trying to rescue the folks trapped aboard while making a big show of it.
Problem is that his Mother Box super suit still doesn’t work, so he can’t stop
his assistant Mercy from strolling into the
Gestalt’s command center and launching a battery of weapons on the city of
Metropolis. Don’t worry, they’re not lethal strikes, merely psychologically
disorienting and damaging. And I have to admit, I like seeing Lex Luthor
scramble to save face, the smug prick that he is. Before this, though, Lana
Lang’s boyfriend John Henry Irons aka Steel convinces her to submit to the
authorities because that’s totally something a black person would suggest. At
the station, Lana makes nice with Captain Maggie Sawyer, recently back to Metropolis
after a stint in Gotham City. How does one stay on the police force after
working Gotham? “Well, the Joker turned the city into a murderous fun house
three times under your watch, but the Riddler only had one slaughterhouse
scavenger hunt so I guess you did something right.” Anyway, Maggie and Lana
appreciate each other’s recalcitrance, and so they bond over being aloof and
unreadable people.
Sawyer releases Lana becauase, really, what is she
going to do? Put the flying electric lady in a jail cell? Lana tells Steel
they’ve got to get to the Gestalt and
put a stop to Luthor, but then she gets a wicked nosebleed. Steel is worried
about her and wants her to come back to his place where she can jam wads of
toilet paper up her nose. I know that bloody noses in comics and other
literature often denotes that someone is dying, but come on: they’re like they
most common affliction someone can get. Most people that get occasional
nosebleeds aren’t about to expire from terminal brain cancer. At Steel’s spacious
apartment in Suicide Slum, his niece Traci gets all “young person” and
excitedly talks Lana’s ear off about all the cool robot suits she and her uncle
have devised, including one Lana can wear that will dampen her electricity
powers—and it’s called the Insect Queen! This is going to blend the Lana of
Earth-2, who was shown to have insect-based powers at the close of the Future’s End weekly, with the Lana of
this Earth, isn’t it? If this is the Lana of Earth-Prime, that is. Jeez. I’m
going to need to make a chart.
While Lana naps and dreams about failing Lois, the
Atomic Skull attacks downtown Metropolis, drawing the attention of Steel and
his niece (who also wears super robot armor, naturally.) The Atomic Skull is
freaking out, throwing purple radiation bombs around and complaining about his
treatment in prison—since Luthor took over, he says, the inmates have been
subject to bizarre experiments! The Atomic Skull insists on seeing Superman,
but just then Lana shows up all sleepy-eyed with bedhead and asks aloud if a
Superwoman will do. And when she says it, a stylized “Superwoman” logo that
looks like the classic 3-D Superman
masthead. Speaking of Luthor, he is out and about with Mercy when he gets a
blip on his Superwoman tracker so he tells Mercy to turn the ship around. She
ignores him and lands at LexCorp, and just as he’s about to talk to Human
Resources about her insubordination, Mercy crushes his armor with one hand and
reveals herself to be a Bizarro Lady herself! Lex then finds himself in an
inescapable cube, commonly recognized as a superhero trap, and learns he has
been captured by none other than his sister, Lena Luthor! And she’s made him
crippled out of spite!
Wow…lots of stuff to unpack in this issue. Looks like
this could be the series where Luthor’s jerktitude is exposed and he gets his
comeuppance, which is something I always like to see. I really liked Lana and
Steel’s relationship, it seems to have progressed since last we saw these two,
and I really liked Lana’s strong, defiant voice. The art is really nice, though
some pages are kind of crowded. In all, the plot thickens, some new characters
are introduced, and I still hope they’ll bring back Lois Lane sooner rather
than later because I was really into the concept of a Superwoman buddy cop book. But what we’ve got here has a strong
dynamic, too.
Bits and
Pieces:
7.5/10
I'm getting secret fatigue from all these mysteries in Rebirth that we aren't getting any answers to. But I did enjoy this book. Just like you Reggie I hope it improves and doesn't bs around too much. Solid 7/10.
ReplyDeleteI'm in on any comic that treats smug ass Luthor with what he deserves, a nice kick in the nuts. The mysteries in this book are great as well.
ReplyDeleteThis issue was alright. For the most part I didn’t care, but I was really hooked when Lex was in that room and his legs were paralyzed. It is unfortunate that SuperWOMAN isn’t the focus and instead Lex is.
ReplyDelete