Mallard in Maine
Written By:
Chip Zdarsky
Art By: Joe Quinones, Joe Rivera, Jordan Gibson
Lettered By:
Travis Lanham
Cover Price:
$3.99
On Sale Date: June 8, 2016
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE
BOTTOM**
I saw the Steven Spielberg-produced Howard the Duck movie in the theater. My
parents took me, though I’m sure my mom didn’t know who or what Howard the Duck
was. I certainly had no specific idea, but I clued right into the fact that
this was a send-up of Donald Duck in specific, and Disney’s saccharine,
white-washed world in general. Even at this young age, I thought Mickey Mouse
would have gotten his meat lumped by Bugs Bunny. And forget it if Tom Cat from Tom & Jerry entered the fray, that
round-eared mouse would be so clobbered his whole head would look like a
black-and-peach cauliflower. Am I allowed to denigrate Disney in a Marvel
Comics review? Well, I’ve done it. And Walt Disney World is a load of bullshit.
There, I said it. I hated all that crap, and so I embraced Howard the Duck as a
satire of Disney at the tender age of eight. Later, I would come to learn that
the comic book was more a pot-fueled fantasy romp through various arcs of
unsubtle social commentary, but I wasn’t so sophisticated in the third grade. I
saw the movie, had a crush on Lea Thompson, and moved on to playing with my
Transformers. And look at me now! I’m reviewing Howard the Duck #8 by Zdarsky and Quinones. Dreams can come true,
if you read on!
Sigh. Okay, so full disclosure: I read and enjoyed the
heck out of this comic the first time around, before Secret Wars happened. I
hung in for an issue or two, found it was getting a little too space travelly
for my tastes, and dropped it. So now I’m back to ride this comic to its end,
but I find…so much stupid shit has
happened. And bless this book for its easy-to-understand first page recap, which
really drove home the fact that I just do not care about it when it rubs up
against the rest of the Marvel Universe. It looks like this book is in its
final arc, so let me stop my whining and get to it: Howard was made the Nexus
of All Realities at some outer space graduation ceremony or something, and
though he avoided making a ruckus at the resultant kegger he was able to open a
portal to his homeworld where talking ducks are normal, and they probably hunt
flying humans, using human calls that go “Big MAAAC! Big MAAAC!” So now we’re
going to recap a series that I was lukewarm on to begin with, and there will be
touching scenes between Howard and everyone’s he’s interacted with along the
way, except for this issue where he visits a character that wasn’t featured in
this volume of the series at all.
Why is this happening? Who demanded this? Well, I’m
sure there are a few dozen old farts that bristle at the fact that the tale of
Howard’s one-time companion Beverly was never resolved. But don’t you
understand that by acquiescing to their obsessive-compulsive disorders, you
only make them worse?! Howard visits
Beverly out on some farm in Maine, where she lives with a dog, and immediately
gives her shit for abandoning him. Through some cool-looking fake pulp comic
flashbacks, Beverly remembers what a self-involved jerk Howard was and how
afraid she was of him dying. So that’s her gripe. How are your heartstrings?
Tugged on yet? Beverly got sick of the craziness in Howard’s life, so she moved
to Maine. Howard claims that it’s not his fault, that craziness follows him,
and to punctuate that thought a Sentinel robot in a black outfit with a shoulder-mounted
gatling gun shows up.
The Sentinel is weird because Scarlet Witch taught
him to know fear and terror during a previous battle with the Avengers, so now
he’s on a mission to kill everyone with super powers. Howard tries to explain
that his ability to sheet water off of his feathers is not a super power, but
the Sentinel keeps trying to kill them anyway. Then Scout, a golden lady on a
stylized surfboard who once sought to be Galactus’ herald shows up to save the
day. Her point made, Howard and Beverly part ways, but not before Scout just
talks and talks and talks. I bet she’s one of those people that gets like super
hyper after an orgasm, just jumps up and starts doing the dishes or talking
about her time in summer camp or something. Scout takes Howard back to New York
City, and after they depart we see Beverly walk outside and levitate with a
purple glow, a super power she got from being doused in some chemicals during
an adventure with Howard the Duck.
Huh? Oh yeah, at the very end there’s a teaser where
Lea Thompson wants to hire Howard to find a missing person. Yes, the real Lea
Thompson. I’m not going to reveal who the missing person is. We’ll all figure
it out next issue, or not.
 |
| Sheesh lady. Give it a rest, already! |
This was a dull, self-referential issue
that advanced a plot from thirty years ago, instead of the story at hand. The
art by Quinones is, as always, fantastic, but they are mainly fantastic
renderings of a woman and a humanoid duck talking. I found myself really
disinvested in the story, and when the Sentinel showed up I felt like there was
nothing really at stake. I didn’t care about this failed friendship, and I didn’t
really care what happened to Beverly, who I’d only just met for all intents and
purposes. I mean, she was perfectly nice, and I certainly got her point about
Howard being an abrasive jerk, but it wasn’t like I was gripped to know whether
or not this veritable stranger would be okay. Frankly, I was more interested in
the dog. What’s his story?
Bits and
Pieces:
6/10
No comments:
Post a Comment