Man…Or Aquaman?
Written By: Dan Abnett
Art By: Brad Walker, Andrew
Hennessey, Gabe Eltaeb
Lettered By: Pat Brosseau
Cover Price: $2.99
On Sale Date: June 22, 2015
**NON
SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE BOTTOM**
One thing I’ve always
liked about Aquaman is that he can be traced back to a specific American state.
Places like Gotham and Central City, it’s sometimes implied where they are
roughly positioned on a U.S. map. Arthur Curry’s birthplace is Amnesty Bay,
which (despite not being a real place) is in Massachusetts. So that really begs
the question: is Aquaman a Red Sox fan? Does he celebrate Patriot’s Day? Does he speak with a New England accent???
Because if he does, well that changes just about everything. I’m going to need
to read every issue aloud from now on. I’ll use my best Kennedy family
inflection: “Er, ah, Ocean Mastah, I’m gonna knawck your blawck off y’got me so
wicked pissed awf!” I just made him ten times more awesome. “Mera! Er, ah,
Bleack Meanta is creatin’ a clustah in the watah! Theah’s fish all ovah the
place, it’s a real shit show!” I suggest
you read my review using your best New Englander voice, so you’re in practice
for the next issue of Aquaman. Read
on!
I don’t normally use this
space for political diatribes, but there’s something going on in this country
that has to be addressed. We are vulnerable, practically surrounded by
terrorists that want nothing less than to swarm our great nation and either
convert or eradicate us. I know the bleeding hearts would have you believe that
we can get along, that not all of “them” are evildoers, but you can’t let those
people lull you into a false sense of security. I’m talking, of course, about
Atlanteans, who have waged war on the land dwellers (us) for centuries—and
worse, they keep immigrating and taking all of our water-based jobs. Now their
half-breed king Arthur Curry, better known as Aquaman—Aqua-freaking-man, if you
can believe that—has established an embassy for Atlantis right near his boyhood
home of Amnesty Bay, Massachusetts, in an attempt to bring peace between land
and sea. There will never be peace between land and sea as long as you still
have sharks and giant squid down there, dammit! It’s like asking someone to
shake hands with a nightmare! Anyhow, the embassy is called Spindrift, and it
looks like a scrunched up bedspring. He and his…wife, I thought? He and Mera
are hosting a big press conference to show off their new digs, but you’ll never
catch me stepping foot in there. I’d probably start another war because I
didn’t kiss their sacred crab claw or something.
This press conference is
very well-attended, but we need concern ourselves with only two of the
attendees: Lieutenant Joanna Stubbs of the Royal Navy, and Ray Delane of the Daily Planet, who is the most
conspicuous person in the world. If you find those names difficult to remember,
don’t worry: they will reiterate them several times throughout the book. It’s
under the auspice of introducing themselves to Atlantean dignitaries which
is…pretty clever, actually. Lieutenant Stubbs runs into Sark, Captain in the
Atlantean Royal Guard, and they immediately hit it off because they belong to
agencies that have the word “royal” in the name. Aquaman and Mera welcome the
world’s representatives to Spindrift with an appropriately pithy speech and a
sumptuous banquet of the best Atlantis has to offer, which is primarily sea
slugs and probably kelp burgers. This sits none to well with Ray Delane of the Daily Planet, who rushes off during dinner
to puke.
Ever the gracious hostess
when she’s not a calculating war general, Mera tells Sark to go check on Ray
Delane of the Daily Planet while she
chats up Lieutenant Stubbs. The two of them hit it off because they wear the
same lipstick, and Stubbs tells Mera she needs a private audience with Aquaman
to talk state secrets. Mera says it can be arranged, but first try some squid
guts in poached manatee stomach. Meanwhile, Sark catches up with Ray Delane of
the Daily Planet, who appears to be
puking in a hallway. Upon closer inspection, Sark sees that he’s planted little
bombs in the wall, and Ray takes advantage of his surprise to smack him around
a little bit! Ray Delane of the Daily
Planet isn’t Ray Delane of the Daily
Planet at all, he’s Black Manta in a holographic Ray Delane costume! Manta
harpoons Sark to the wall through his shoulder, the blows the bombs so a
massive amount of water floods the place and generally ruins the mood. Mera is
able to hold back the crushing wall of water with her, uh, water-moving powers,
but Black Manta shoots her with a harpoon, too! Curiously, also in her shoulder...is
this a special “wounding only” weapon? Aquaman rushes into the rushing wave and
tackles Manta, then they fight in some well-drawn panels where Black Manta
explains his gripe with Arthur for the uninitiated, then stabs him with a knife…right
in the shoulder! Black Manta, you need glasses!
So first off, I really,
really liked the art in this issue. A lot. There were some up-the-nostril
close-up scenes I might have done without, though they were nicely drawn. Part
of me feels like the plotting could be a little more decorative, or interesting
somehow, but it’s certainly readable which is what counts most of all. The
story is enjoyable and includes lots of funny moments that are worth reading,
and which I did not allude to at all in my review. C’maan! It’s three bucks!
The dialogue is good, the scenario is intriguing, the art is spectacular, what
else do you want in a comic book? What? Oh, you want Batman, huh? You want
Batman in your comics, do you? You’ll read Aquaman
and like it, it’s good for your heart!
Bits and Pieces:
8.5/10
This issue flew bye, well done on the flow and the art in this book.
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