Written By: Zack Stentz & David Kob
Directed By: Kevin Smith
First Aired: May 10, 2016
Before we get caught up on last week let me apologize for the late posting,
unfortunately life obligations delayed the recap of what was a phenomenal
episode. Kudos all around.
Last week we kicked shit right into motion, Zoom came through reminding us why we were all terrified of him before we realized he was actually the bag of discarded children's toys known as Jay Garrick. Homeboy killed hella cops like he was on a Spice 1 record or some shit. Iris told Barry she is ready to give up the goods if he still wants that ass. Caitlin continued to be criminally under/misused. Cisco did dope Cisco shit. Barry's asshole pops came back around to be a dick. Joe was still awesome. Wally and Jesse got a blast of speedforce tossed into their DNA and Barry got blown the fuck up!!
Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings.
Last week we kicked shit right into motion, Zoom came through reminding us why we were all terrified of him before we realized he was actually the bag of discarded children's toys known as Jay Garrick. Homeboy killed hella cops like he was on a Spice 1 record or some shit. Iris told Barry she is ready to give up the goods if he still wants that ass. Caitlin continued to be criminally under/misused. Cisco did dope Cisco shit. Barry's asshole pops came back around to be a dick. Joe was still awesome. Wally and Jesse got a blast of speedforce tossed into their DNA and Barry got blown the fuck up!!
Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings.
Explain It:
Holy shit. Barry Allen
didn't explode he was kidnapped by the speed force which went all Jodie Foster
in Contact on his ass despite looking like a 5ive gum ad when Cisco vibed the
fuck out from our mortal coil to try and bring Barry's bitch ass back.
Most of the episode was the speed force cosplaying as regular ass humans from Barry's life trying to convince him to get the fuck over his mom already. Nobody likes a grown man who is still hung up on mom despite the weird porn fetish that is climbing up the SEO charts. Speed force Joe, which is currently my favorite version of Joe, tells Barry that the only way to get his speed back is to catch the weird shadow sprinter that has been doing laps around Barry's speed endured dreamscape.
Most of the episode was the speed force cosplaying as regular ass humans from Barry's life trying to convince him to get the fuck over his mom already. Nobody likes a grown man who is still hung up on mom despite the weird porn fetish that is climbing up the SEO charts. Speed force Joe, which is currently my favorite version of Joe, tells Barry that the only way to get his speed back is to catch the weird shadow sprinter that has been doing laps around Barry's speed endured dreamscape.
Throughout the episode Barry runs a fucking lot in those shitty ass PF
flyer kicks he rocks trying to catch his speed shadow. The speed force could
have hooked him up with a sweet pair of Air Max or some shit. Those skips he is
rocking must be hell on his arches. A Flash with planter fasciitis is as
useless as the writers have made Caitlin Snow this season. Get your shit
together guys.
Throughout the experience Barry learns that he must embrace the speed as the gift it is. So fucking what if the speed and fucked up time loops killed your mom. ACCEPT OUR GIFT AND GET OVER IT PUSSY! The speed force is on some Clarence from It’s A Wonderful Life bullshit.
Back in the real world we are dealing with the worst case of the week to date featuring my least favorite character from the last season of iZombie playing, you guessed it, a stupid fucking zombie. But hey. At least we got a cool pairing of Iris and Cisco and an appearance from Jason Mewes so who gives a fuck right?
Remember last week when Wally and Jesse got blasted with particle accelerator runoff. Well seems like Jesse got the good speed force and Wally didn't get dick. Way to be racist assholes speed force.
Eventually Barry meets his mom in the speed force. They read some childrens books and Barry finally mans the fuck up and embraces his speed. With that the speed force comes to him. At the same time team Iris/Cisco vibe their way into the speed force and pull Barry out and in just a nick of time. Stupid iZombie guy is about to wreck shit. Barry comes in and saves the day.
Henry tells Barry he is going to stick around this time. Yay! But I still think Henry is bad. Nobody can go to jail for 20 years and not be fucked up. Just look at Steven Avery's murdering ass.
Barry finally visits his mom's grave and brings Iris along so they can have a moment. They continue the whole creepy ass brother sister thing. Yeah I know they aren't blood but still the shits gross. You can't date family. Thanksgiving is harrowing enough without you guys sniping at each other's new boyfriend/girlfriend after the ugly break up. Just masturbate shamefully like the rest of us until Patty comes back in town. Also what the fuck happened to Iris' boss? She didn't even give him a courtesy text to break it off. Shits cold Iris.
The post credit snippet thingy was the only thing that fucked up this episode because I reminded me of Jay 'personality of sheet rock' Garrick and Zoom who was once so promising and now just seems like Christopher Mintz-Plasse's villain The Motherfucker in Kick Ass 2. Anyway he informs Caitlin that it's time to shit or get off the pot. She isn't into it you fucking loser stop being a creepy ass stalker. Oh wait, Caitlin seems like she might be into the whole stalker thing, of course because the writers have just decided to make her the embodiment of shitty female character development.
Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:
Barry was pretty fucking awesome this week
outside of the one moment when he whined to the speed force about his speed
being stolen. Fuck you Barry you bullshit ass glory boy. You gave that shit up
like an asshole and now you have blood on your hands. I think your body count
is at like 13 at this point. All because you couldn't leave well enough
alone. Their blood is on your hands asshole.
9.5/10
I thought the stuff with Barrys mom was really well handled. Can't get enough Cisco(I hope he finds his way to legends of tomorrow so he can become his own hero). I think the Iris Barry relationship should just happen already so the can build Iris character up threw them being together. Barry's bio dad is so fucking dead. But I have a feeling that the guy under the iron mask is Earth 2 Jay Garrick(who is the counter part of Earth 1 Henry Allen). And I wonder if earth 2 Black canary is going to stick around after season finale.
ReplyDeleteGreat review :)
Thanks Anthony. I agree, the Barry dealing with his mom issues was pretty well done, a bit schmaltzy, but a damn good scene/episode in general.
DeleteI have a odd theory that I am still working out. At the beginning of the season, before the revealed that Zoom was that shithead bag of feathers Jay, I was convinced that Zoom was Henry Allen. If you looked at Zoom's eyes, they were the eyes of an older man. Had wrinkles and shit, and they looked like Henry's eyes. I think you might be on to something. Maybe dude in the mask was the original Zoom, and had his power stolen/was captured by Jay/zoom. But it is definitely Henry in that mask