Written By: Lauren Certo
Directed By: Armen Kevorkian
First Aired: May 3, 2016
Last week there was a lot of action, not a lot of movement. On Earth 1 Barry dealt admirably with losing his speed (for the most part, he was still kind of a dick for not revealing to Wally that he was the Flash), Wells whispered with that gravely voice thing he does to make sure you know he is Earth 2 Wells, not Earth 1/Reverse Flash Wells, he was also kidnapped by the series worst meta-human yet but he made up with Jesse so that's tits. Joe dressed like Silent Bob, Cisco played the background, and Wally turned into a simp. On Earth 2, Caitlin was locked up in Zoom's lair, Zoom tried to act all chill, like he was down with being relegated to the friendzone. Killer Frost tried to run the okeydoke on Caitlin and paid with her live. Zoom did the creepy stalker ex-boyfriend thing where he realizes he isn't gonna get in that ass no more and decides to go all scorched earth, Earth 1 that is.
Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings.
Caught up? Good. Let's get into tonight's proceedings.
Explain It:
Shit is getting desperate in Central City. Flash has no fucking speed thanks to Barry being an asshole, and the Flash Mob (TM) has been reduced to using an hologram of Flash to scare petty criminals and forcing Cisco to make bad/played out Coachella/hologram Tupac jokes. Shit is grim and to make things worse, they are about to get splashed with a whole shit ton of Zoom/Jay.
That's right folks, Zoom/Jay is back on Earth 1 and he makes his presence known by running up in the police precinct and threatening to kill every cop in this bitch like Larry Muthafucking Davis! If Caitlin wasn't there to fuck with Zoom/Jay's emotions shit would have gotten dark mighty fast.
On top of that, Barry is still waffling the fuck out about getting his speed back. The man is having a fucking existential crisis. It got so bad that we were forced to remember his dad who broke the fuck out shortly after getting released instead of bonding with his son who spent his whole life waiting for some quality dad time. Now dude learns that Barry is thinking about getting exploded and shit and he decides to get all dad-like and roll up on Earth 2 Wells talking shit. Shit's wack.
Oh they also bring in a smooth new villain from Earth 2 named Rupture who has a bitchin ass hockey stick that he tries to kill muthafuckers with, and he is Cisco's brother's doppelganger. Dude wants to kill Cisco because he thinks Cisco killed his brother Vibe. Shit is bugged out in Central City right now man.
Quick side bar, why does Cisco get so much shit from his family. I mean dude is a scientist, he worked for one of the leading minds of the time, and he is cool as shit. Why are they constantly comparing him to his piano playing brother who it turns out can't even afford a whip, because nobody gives a fuck about classical music. Family dynamics on Flash are all sorts of fucked up.
That's right folks, Zoom/Jay is back on Earth 1 and he makes his presence known by running up in the police precinct and threatening to kill every cop in this bitch like Larry Muthafucking Davis! If Caitlin wasn't there to fuck with Zoom/Jay's emotions shit would have gotten dark mighty fast.
On top of that, Barry is still waffling the fuck out about getting his speed back. The man is having a fucking existential crisis. It got so bad that we were forced to remember his dad who broke the fuck out shortly after getting released instead of bonding with his son who spent his whole life waiting for some quality dad time. Now dude learns that Barry is thinking about getting exploded and shit and he decides to get all dad-like and roll up on Earth 2 Wells talking shit. Shit's wack.
Oh they also bring in a smooth new villain from Earth 2 named Rupture who has a bitchin ass hockey stick that he tries to kill muthafuckers with, and he is Cisco's brother's doppelganger. Dude wants to kill Cisco because he thinks Cisco killed his brother Vibe. Shit is bugged out in Central City right now man.
Quick side bar, why does Cisco get so much shit from his family. I mean dude is a scientist, he worked for one of the leading minds of the time, and he is cool as shit. Why are they constantly comparing him to his piano playing brother who it turns out can't even afford a whip, because nobody gives a fuck about classical music. Family dynamics on Flash are all sorts of fucked up.
Let's check in on Barry again, oh right that muthafucker is still all sorts of sulky.
Iris is still all conflicted about the feelings she is getting in her Christian parts for Barry, and she drops this right in his lap as he is about to do the right thing and get his speed back. Turns out finding out the girl you have been trying to bed ever since she became your sister telling you she is ready to finally get down with the get down effects your decision making process. Wally is going to be so fucking creeped out when he finds out his white brother is sleeping with his estranged birth sister.
Speaking of Wally, they locked that muthafucker up on the old Earth 1 Well's hyperbaric chamber with Jesse. You just know that they are going to some how get fucked up.
Anyway Zoom/Jay finally ends up killing mad cops because they didn't listen to him or some shit, and then Barry finally snaps the fuck out of it and realizes what the fuck he has to do. Barry is gonna explode himself y'all, and I for one and GI-FUCKING-DY!!!!!!!!!
Barry agrees to get all sort of proton accelerated on and in and shit goes horribly awry, because of course it does, we have 3 episodes to fill before this hellish slog of a season is finally over. Also even in his coolest moment he has to get all soft batch, Scott-Stapp-Arms-Wide-Open-Jesus/messiah-complex on muthafuckers and then have the nerve to cry about it. Look at that asshole. Fuck Barry Allen.
Zoom/Jay sees the lightning, is all "awww hell nah" and rushes over to Star Labs to stop this nonsense once and for all. Before Zoom/Jay arrives, Wally and Jesse get lit up by some protons which I am sure is going to give them speed and shit because nerds on the computer have been talking about them being speedsters down the line. Zoom/Jay shows up just in time to see Barry disintegrate and everyone else cry a lot. Dude doesn't even bother to kill the rest of the crew, he just laughs at them. That shit is cold bruh.
Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:
Iris is still all conflicted about the feelings she is getting in her Christian parts for Barry, and she drops this right in his lap as he is about to do the right thing and get his speed back. Turns out finding out the girl you have been trying to bed ever since she became your sister telling you she is ready to finally get down with the get down effects your decision making process. Wally is going to be so fucking creeped out when he finds out his white brother is sleeping with his estranged birth sister.
Speaking of Wally, they locked that muthafucker up on the old Earth 1 Well's hyperbaric chamber with Jesse. You just know that they are going to some how get fucked up.
Anyway Zoom/Jay finally ends up killing mad cops because they didn't listen to him or some shit, and then Barry finally snaps the fuck out of it and realizes what the fuck he has to do. Barry is gonna explode himself y'all, and I for one and GI-FUCKING-DY!!!!!!!!!
Barry agrees to get all sort of proton accelerated on and in and shit goes horribly awry, because of course it does, we have 3 episodes to fill before this hellish slog of a season is finally over. Also even in his coolest moment he has to get all soft batch, Scott-Stapp-Arms-Wide-Open-Jesus/messiah-complex on muthafuckers and then have the nerve to cry about it. Look at that asshole. Fuck Barry Allen.
Zoom/Jay sees the lightning, is all "awww hell nah" and rushes over to Star Labs to stop this nonsense once and for all. Before Zoom/Jay arrives, Wally and Jesse get lit up by some protons which I am sure is going to give them speed and shit because nerds on the computer have been talking about them being speedsters down the line. Zoom/Jay shows up just in time to see Barry disintegrate and everyone else cry a lot. Dude doesn't even bother to kill the rest of the crew, he just laughs at them. That shit is cold bruh.
Why Barry Allen Is An Asshole This Week:
I'm not even going to focus on Barry Allen this week, because by Barry Allen standards, dude was straight up alright this week. I mean despite all his moping around like a goth teen he finally owned up to fucking up the whole god damn planet by giving Zoom/Jay his speed.
This week I want to focus on Zoom/Jay because I hate that muthafucker. They fucking ruined Zoom, who was legit terrifying until they revealed that he was Jay the whole fucking time. Jay fucking sucks. I can't even look at Zoom any more because he is Jay, so there is no fucking way that sack of potatoes could take over an entire city, let alone Earth 1 and Earth 2 - Electric Boogaloo. They should have made Zoom someone interesting like Barry's absentee father or some shit. Fuck they shit the bed when they made Zoom Jay, or really when they cast Jay. Dude is substitute teacher on DeGrassi levels bad as an actor.
On top of that, just two or three episodes ago they introduced the idea that blue lightning emanating from a speedster means they are speed sick or some shit right? Well Zoom/Jay is fucking swimming in blue lightning, yet nobody seems to give a shit? What up writers room?
Also, Fuck Barry Allen. How fucking hard is it to kill Zoom/Jay. All he does is run fast. String a gang of high tension fishing line all over the city and let that asshole chase your hologram around. Boom he gets his head lopped off on the corner of Bull and Shit streets.
Anyway, solid episode, next week Kevin Smith directs.
This week I want to focus on Zoom/Jay because I hate that muthafucker. They fucking ruined Zoom, who was legit terrifying until they revealed that he was Jay the whole fucking time. Jay fucking sucks. I can't even look at Zoom any more because he is Jay, so there is no fucking way that sack of potatoes could take over an entire city, let alone Earth 1 and Earth 2 - Electric Boogaloo. They should have made Zoom someone interesting like Barry's absentee father or some shit. Fuck they shit the bed when they made Zoom Jay, or really when they cast Jay. Dude is substitute teacher on DeGrassi levels bad as an actor.
On top of that, just two or three episodes ago they introduced the idea that blue lightning emanating from a speedster means they are speed sick or some shit right? Well Zoom/Jay is fucking swimming in blue lightning, yet nobody seems to give a shit? What up writers room?
Also, Fuck Barry Allen. How fucking hard is it to kill Zoom/Jay. All he does is run fast. String a gang of high tension fishing line all over the city and let that asshole chase your hologram around. Boom he gets his head lopped off on the corner of Bull and Shit streets.
Anyway, solid episode, next week Kevin Smith directs.
8/10
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