Gorse Just Wanna Have Fun
Art By:
Clay Mann and Stephen Segovia, Seth Mann, Sandu Florea, Art Thibert, Ulises
Arreola
Letters By:
Janice Chiang
Cover Price:
$2.99
On Sale Date: May 18, 2016
**NON SPOILERS AND SCORE AT THE
BOTTOM**
Oh boy! Here we are, one issue away from the
conclusion to Poison Ivy, and we’re
sure to get some answers to our burning questions now! For instance: what is
happening? Also: why? There have been some cool scenes in this series, but by
and large I am at a total loss. And I can understand some of the mystery, yet I
also feel I should understand more about Poison Ivy’s reasoning for growing a
couple of Cabbage Patch Kids at home, or why Gotham City Botanical Gardens had
an entirely abandoned wing, or even why the Botanical Gardens has such a large
permanent structure at all. Is this a public attraction or a flower fortress?
Was it super-popular until video games took root, and then they had to scale
back the operation by leaving one-fifth of the place derelict? How much money
is allocated to the Botanical Gardens, anyway? Clearly I am hoping that this
issue will consist mainly of a public forum and budget planning by local city
government. Do I get my wish, or do we see another comic about a hot lady with
plant powers? Read on to find out!
Kids: they grow up so fast, don’t they? Especially
when they are plant/animal hybrid children created in a laboratory using Pamela
“Poison Ivy” Isley’s sixteen secret herbs and spices. Since last issue,
Pamela’s fern babies and the creepy girl rescued from the mad scientists’
division of the Gotham City Botanical Gardens have matured into teenagers,
which means that they are now the most horrible life forms on earth. Oh, and
they have plant powers, you say? I didn’t even know that. The green teens
Hazel, Rose and Thorn are being held virtually captive by Pamela, lest they
mingle with the normal world and start wanting to wear makeup. Of course, these
are troubled kids, particularly the newly-adopted Thorn, who has the power to
turn people into Groot just by touching them. Pamela, the ever withholding
mother figure, silently ruminates on that and everything that’s happened in the
series so far, highlighting what we do know: there’s a bunch of dead people and
a weird monster that broke into her apartment a couple of issues ago, and what
we do not know: everything else. Pamela is roused from her reverie, however,
when Darhsan shows up with a karaoke machine and belts out a few tunes with the
girls, because that’s better than ending the scene with a pratfall.
That evening, while Pamela sleeps, her hothouse
family disables the plant-based alarms (probably should have picked something
they can’t control with their minds to restrain the ladies) and steps forth
into the dangerous night. This brings them to fake Times Square and a strip
club called Bang Bang Alley, which is the third most popular strip club in
Gotham City after Fuck Spot and Quimview. Inside, Rose and Hazel get up on
stage and start pole-dancing—the innate, natural skill of any teenaged
girl—while Thorn goes to the bar for some water. A skeevy guy offers her a drink
of whiskey, which she doesn’t like, then touches her butt, which she really doesn’t like, so Thorn grabs his
hand and turns it into tree bark. This naturally freaks everyone out and
attracts the notice of crackerjack cops O’Shea and Manning, the very same guys
who roped off two crime scenes at the Botanical Gardens and then let everyone
traipse all through them while conducting almost no interviews and garnering no
suspects. They head down to Bang Bang Alley, and Thorn immediately captures
them in her thorny vines (so that’s
where the name comes from!) Just then, Poison Ivy shows up and gives the girls
that mom look that gets them to cut the shit and come home quietly, after
destroying a few cop cars and brainwashing some officers with pheromones. “No
casualties,” warns Poison Ivy, though she has killed at least one person per
issue up to this point. As the Ivy family returns to her apartment, weird
shadowed mystery beast looks on, muttering “Sssporelings…” in that trademark
goopy green word balloon that seems all the rage for the plant-based set.
Back home, Pamela gives the girls what-for, then
grounds them by ensaring them in a giant birdcage made from vines and roots and
stuff. Didn’t this not work before? I mean, these girls have plant powers,
seems like the best bet to punish them is to not surround them with plants. And then the thing that really
confused me happens: Poison Ivy contacts the Green. For those that have not
read Swamp Thing, the Green is sort
of the ethereal August body of plant law, a force represented by the Parliament
of Trees, who pick an avatar to represent their interests on earth while they
remain in the realm of metaphysical concept. Their avatar, currently, is the
Swamp Thing, an appointment that has its own problems. Poison Ivy being able to
hang out in the Green and speak to it, though referenced earlier in the series,
seems incongruous to me. I mean, yeah—she’s got plant-based abilities, but
she’s not an ambassador of the Green. She’s just someone leeching off its
stored power, like the Floronic Man. And Pamela says that only she and Alec
Holland (aka the Swamp Thing) can contact the Green, but what about Black
Orchid? She was running around with the Justice League Dark a few years back,
so it’s not like she doesn’t exist in this continuity. While chit-chatting with
the Green, however, Pamela is beset in the real world by whatever shadowy beast
monster had been tracking them earlier, or maybe this happened in the Green.
I’m too tired from a night of strip club partying to figure it out.
This series is really like three separate stories
happening on their own timelines: the mystery of the murdered Botanical Gardens
employees, the case of the teenage mutant hibiscus girls, and the puzzle of the
leafy beast in shadows that keeps stalking Ivy and her clique. Oh, and whatever
the hell is up with Darshan and why he seems to be on hand for everyone’s
death. Also why Poison Ivy can hang out in the Green all of a sudden. There’s
just a lot we don’t know, and one issue to discover it all, which means we’re
likely in for a sixth-issue infodump that will contain roughly twenty-thousand
words of dialogue. And the worst part about it is that I feel no impetus to
root for any of the characters, each of them assholes or sneaky jerks in their
own right. On the plus side, Clay Mann is back on art, but the inking is a lot
better so the work looks more lush and full. The layouts are really great in
this comic, damning it with faint praise. Really, we’ve come too far in this
series for me to be so lost and disenchanted with the characters involved,
unless the object of this book is to make me care less about Poison Ivy than I
did before. In that case: mission accomplished!
Bits and
Pieces:
5.5/10
No comments:
Post a Comment