Sometimes the most
interesting thing about a given creative work is how wildly the end result
differs from the initial idea. We call this the “artistic process,” a phrase
that makes it all seem like the natural outgrowth of self-expression and craft,
but just as often decisions about a final work must be predicated on things
like funding, available time, and actual talent. Yet this pilot for Justice League of America from 1997
seems to have veered from the comics that inspired it in senseless ways—why,
for instance, have the vocations of various characters changed? Why is Barry
Allen a chubby, unemployed dude? Why does Guy Gardner sing opera? I don’t know
if there are any answers, but if there are any to be found then Chris Sheehan
from chrisisoninfiniteearths.blogspot.com will find ‘em! Tuck into Part Two (Part
One can be found here) of his painstaking dissection of the pilot—and only—episode of CBS’ Justice League of America! Read on!
When we last left our heroes they had just thwarted the
sinister Weatherman's plot against New Metro. With all those super heroic
(and arguably interesting) antics behind us, we now get to experience the
"softer side" of the gang...
We learn that not only do Guy and Ray team together,
but they're also shacked up. Stands to reason I guess...couldn't expect
Ray to afford his own place on a teacher's salary. All seems comfy
until...come and knock on our door...Barry moves in. Never
has a table been set so quickly.
The gang sits down to eat, but wouldn'tcha know it...Barry's metabolism is on the fritz, and he inhales the dinner himself.
The fellas are shortly joined by B.B., who didn't get the part she'd auditioned
for, but almost got a teenage boyfriend for her
troubles. It is during this scene that it's implied that not only were
Guy and B.B. an item at one point...but it's heavily suggested that Bea faked
all of her orgasms during their relationship.
We rejoin the erstwhile Tori Olafsdotter as she
bumbles about the meteorological facility. Here we meet the likely
villain of this story. A secretive scientist-type called Arliss who only
works at night so that they don't have to deal with lookie-loos. Tori
weasels her way by him and into a lab where she promptly makes a mess of
everything. She happens across a hidden steel briefcase, and decides it'd
probably be a bang up idea to see what's inside.
Ya see...this be her Secret Origin. She finds
that she has that magic touch where she can freeze things. She hurries
home and comes across a totally awesome 90's dude who fell into the lake. Tori, already feeling some "hero pangs" steps into the water...and
immediately freezes the entire lake. Somehow this doesn't kill the poor
almost-drowning victim, who instead just gives off a Joey Lawrence style
"Whoa..."
This occurrence makes local news, and lucky for the
League the report begins just as their television set gets repaired. The
quartet watch, and upon seeing young Tori among the "witnesses" we
get the feeling Ray's getting some feelings he will have to soon deal with in
private.
 |
| Don't look directly at it... |
That night, Tori gets abducted from her bed. You may think it's the Wacky Weatherman behind the kidnapping...but, in
actuality it is the League. They fill her perky little lungs full of gas
and take her to an undisclosed location to read her the riot act. Ya see,
they believe she may just be the Weatherman. A League
appears to be acting on the direction of a disembodied voice, which is sure to
be important as we move forward.
We next find Tori back in her bed, the victim of what
can only be called the Metahuman version of a nocturnal emission. Luckily
for dear girl this is only a wet dream about a wet dream.
The next morning, Tori offers that she is a bit
suspicious of shady Arliss when speaking with Miguel Ferrer. I'm just now
realizing that his character is called Dr. Eno, so I guess I ought to refer to
him as such from this point forward. His body appears to stiffen up (nyuk
nyuk) while talking to Tori, and so he excuses himself. Outside he pretends
to tie his shoe, and we notice that all is not quite as it seems.
We rejoin Fire as she is wooed by a phony French film
director...who in actuality is the same teenage admirer from earlier. He
more or less admits to stalking Ms. Da Costa, which she handles surprisingly
well. She appears flattered and promises to call him when she next gets
the opportunity. Man, I guess I was totally wrong on how to get
women. I guess after faking-it with Guy for so long she's entitled...to
being the next decomposing head in this loon's refrigerator.
Speaking of Guy, he's currently attempting to once
more make good with his neglected girlfriend. Just as he appears to be
making some headway...the Weatherman strikes again! This time with a
blizzard of ping-pong balls!
Guy rescues his girlfriend from getting smashed by
the balls. We get the feeling that there's Guy--whatever his girlfriend's
name is--Green Lantern love triangle in the making. Atom and Flash arrive
on the scene, and the three fellas watch as Fire blasts the clouds with her
powers. The day is once again saved!
Back at the apartment...er, headquarters, the team
is huddled around and receiving orders from their television set. They
are told to keep an eye on this Arliss fella. It seems like they were
considering "drafting" Tori into their ranks anyway (just get some
uncontrollable powers? wanna save the world?), so why not kill two
birds with one stone?
The gang infiltrates Eno's facility posing as guests
to some gala event they're holding. Here they both meet with Tori, and
get a better look at Arliss. Arliss is acting all sorts of shifty, and is
trying to smuggle a box out of the building. The League puts the Flash on
his tail and follow him to a suburban home. Flash confronts the geek,
accuses him of being the Wascally Weatherman and checks out the contents of the
box for himself.
Turns out Arliss is just a harmless introvert. His big top-secret invention is just a weather predictor (right up to 88% of
the time, as of this writing). With the good name of Arliss cleared, it
appears as though our heroes are back to square one. Just who is the
nefarious Weatherman?
In addition to answering that question, one can only
hope we get some resolution to other burning issues such as...will Barry ever
get a job? Is Guy any good in bed? Will B.B. get popped for
statutory? When we conclude our look into the failed Justice League of America
pilot.
You can read a new DC comic book review by Chris Sheehan each and every day on chrisisoninfiniteearths.blogspot.com, and follow him on Twitter @AceComics!
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