Stop Me If You’ve Heard This One
Written By: Amanda Conner, Jimmy Palmiotti and Justin Gray
Art By: Stephane Roux,
Flaviano, Paul Mounts, Marilyn Patrizio
Cover Price: $3.99
Release Date: November 4, 2015
Stop Me If You’ve Heard
This One
*Non-Spoilers and Score At
The Bottom*
They say the way to a
man’s heart is through his stomach, but what if that man has no stomach? And
instead of being a man, he’s a bafflingly massive semi-robotic head? And instead
of food, he eats the collected sorrows of vast solar systems? I know what
you’re thinking: I can change him.
Well, turns out you might be right in this particular instance, as Harley Quinn
and Power Girl go against that galactic consumer of misery, the Harvester. Will
they succeed? Or do they get…harvested?
Since this is a prequel, then we know they don’t. But read on anyway, one of
them might skin her knee or something.
Explain It!
Last issue of this
miniseries came out six weeks ago, but for some reason I feel like it’s been
six years. It was a different time, six weeks ago: Star Wars hype was at a low hum instead of an incessant throb,
Donald Trump’s presidential candidacy seemed like a silly proposition instead
of a foregone conclusion, and the bunion on my left foot was a mild irritant
instead of virtually crippling me as it does today. Luckily, I was able to
fairly well remember where we left off: Harley and PG are stranded on planet
Whatsitsname with Vartox the Space Sleaze and Groovicus the Space Case, and it is
being threatened by a massive, bearded semi-robotic head known as the Harvester
of Sorrows. How massive is he? Power Girl throws some poor S.O.B. at the
Harvester as an offering and he gets stuck in one of the giant cranium’s pores.
Which, of course, leads to a few pimple jokes because this is a Harley Quinn comic book. Vartox and
Groovicus explain what the Harvester of Sorrows does, which is to cause
conflict and hate across solar systems so he can feed upon their misery. Which
really makes me feel better about having left that dog poop in my neighbor’s
mailbox after they didn’t bring in their garbage cans for the hundredth fucking
time.
An explosion happens for
some reason, knocking everyone out and allowing Harley Quinn to have a dream
where she is visited by her spirit animal, which is an Indian guy in what looks
like a Highway Patrolman’s bomber jacket. In fact, he sort of looks like a
young Erik Estrada, but he speaks like a Bollywood actor. I’m sure I’m supposed
to know who he is, but I don’t and it doesn’t seem to matter much because his
main function is to remind Harley that she’s got “hard light gloves” which was
nice of him because I and the artist had forgotten as well. Quinn uses her
gloves to make a motorcycle, which she then flies straight into the mouth of the
Harvester…yes, a flying motorcycle. All the shit that goes on in this book, and
that’s your sticking point? It’s made
of hard light, okay?
Inside the head of the
Harvester of Sorrows, which is just a head anyway, Harley finds that it looks
like a School House Rock cartoon with 3-D block letters spelling giant words
like “DESPAIR” and “REVULSION” and probably, in smaller letters somewhere,
“WEIRD SCIENCE DC COMICS BLOG DOT BLOGSPOT DOT COM.” I liked the way this
splash page looked, but I have two comments: one, I would have much preferred
these letters to be rendered and shaded by hand. These are manipulated in Adobe
Illustrator (I assume that’s the program) and overlaid on the drawing, and it
looks okay, but I think it would have looked more cohesive and funky if
everything was hand-drawn. And two: is this really the best way to express
these concepts? Which I guess is really a question. But despite the image’s
impact, it does feel weird to see “loathing” expressed as just the word itself
in stylized, oversized lettering in a comic book. I’d at least expect to see
some buff dude in a spandex shirt that reads “Loathing Man.”
Harls is accosted by some
of the Harvester’s inner security, which look like bits of fruit and smell like
berries. They cover Harley in bubble gum and begin to assimilate her mind into
the Harvester, which turns out to be his undoing! Trillions of minds
assimilated across the universe but Harley Quinn’s turns out to be the monkey
wrench! The giant cords that comprised Harvester’s facial hair wind around and
recolor themselves (good job, Mounts) to become the giant face of…the Joker!
Which turns out to be a death sentence for the Harvester who blows up, but only
after Power Girl gets everyone to a minimum safe distance. And they all live happily
ever…no, wait, on the final page it looks like Vartox is proposing to Power
Girl. Heeere we go again!
There’s plenty of good
bits in this book but it’s so uneven and weird that I don’t know what to make
of it. Power Girl is barely in this issue, and when she is all she does is act
like a bitch and tell everyone to shut up. There were so many scenes that
seemed like filler, and then the big climax fell a little flat. The art is
pretty good throughout, though one artist does a better job overall—I’ll leave
that to you to decide which one I mean. There are several great splash pages in
this issue that are very cool and creative, unfortunately they only highlight
the lack of story and consequence.
Bits and Pieces:
What many thought would be
comic bookery’s Thelma & Louise
has turned out to be more like Jack Kirby’s Fourth
World: nice to look at, but incomprehensible to most. If you were already
digging these characters’ antics in previous issues, then you’ll get more of
the same here. If you’re a little bored of watching Power Girl fume while
Harley Quinn burps on her, then you can probably pass. I’d say there are worse
ways you could spend your four bucks.
6/10
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