Art By: Doug Mahnke
Cover Price: $3.99
Release Date: July 30, 2014
Gooble Gobble
Last issue of Justice League saw some badassery that I've only recently stopped drooling over. Lex Luthor calls Bruce Wayne out on being Batman and even uncovers the secret grandfather clock entrance. Also the Earth 3 power ring has found a new host in a scared agoraphobic woman named Jessica Cruz. Once the ring firmly places itself on Jessica's finger, it goes off on a rampage destroying a city and before the Justice League could arrive to save the day, we see the new Doom Patrol. New because the first iteration was killed during Forever Evil, but this team is the old classics you all love. Robot Man, Elasti-Girl, Negative Man and the not so classic Element Woman. Yeah Element Woman has returned from her M.I.A. time after Forever Evil, so let's see what this group plans on doing against the powerhouse that is Power Ring.
Explain It!:
The issue begins with a very creepy re-introduction to Super Woman still locked in her cell singing "Hush Little Baby" to her unborn child. Through the JLA files we find out that her powers are of Amazonian origin and that she's three months pregnant. I guess they just didn't want us to forget about her, because you won't be seeing her again this issue. Just a creepy woman singing to her tummy.
Now we jump back in time to a week ago where we see Chief from the Doom Patrol telling Element Woman that she's a freak and that the Justice League don't want her and never looked for her. It seems that after she was released from the Firestorm matrix she was stuck in a vaporous state and Chief saved her...... and now is coming off like a cult leader recruiting new idiots. Oh wait...... Dammit, it looks like we have Grant Morrison's asshole Chief in the New 52 and I'm instantly disappointed. We're introduced to Robot Man Cliff Steele and hear about how Chief saved what he could after Cliff's car wreck, Elasti-Girl Rita Starr who has to maintain a positive attitude after being exposed to a strange gas so she doesn't turn into a gelatinous state and Negative Man Larry Trainor who was exposed to unknown radiation after his plane crashed in the ocean and now emits deadly radiation whenever he's not covered by his lead bandages. So yeah Chief saved them all and now calls them a bunch of freaks and tells Element Woman that she's a freak and belongs with freaks. Good talk Chief.
So I guess that whole pep talk works because we see Element Woman being a part of the team as we jump back to the present day as they take on the new Power Ring.
The team battle Power Ring who gives great information on how to stop it, while it's host Jessica Cruz screams and begs people to get away before they're killed horribly. No I'm serious though Power Ring tells them that they'll have to kill Jessica Cruz to stop it and what does our team leader Chief do? He pulls out a damn gun and tries to blow her away. Luckily Element Woman being a hero and all gets in the way and Chief has a hissy fit about it and about the team wanting to save people trapped in a burning building. What the actual fuck? Yay we finally got the team of misfit heroes I've been waiting for and Chief's a shit heel and won't let my heroes be heroes. It's a good thing the Justice League show up and save all those burning people from that screaming building......... wait reverse that.
So now that the real heroes have arrived Cyborg wants to connect to Jessica Cruz's power ring to find out what it knows about what destroyed Earth 3 and when he does he gets a brain punch of data. The Power Ring tells us that Jessica Cruz was hunting in the woods with her friends when they came upon some killers burying a body. She then ran away leaving all her friends to die and she's been hiding ever since. We also find out that the power ring is Earth 3's Volthoom, you know the First Lantern of our universe and he was imprisoned in the ring eons ago and has passed the time by watching people try and fail to wield the ring. You know death, fear, chaos, he loves that shit. Apparently his goal now is to light a fire so big that the entire multiverse can see it, so that the destroyer of Earth 3 (we know him as the Anti-Monitor) will come and destroy Earth Prime as well......... Oh and he needs Super Woman's baby for some reason, which explains the strange and creepy opener.
In the end Cyborg and Power Ring disconnect knocking them both out and Chief sees his opportunity to seize the ring. I'm sure he has some grand plan that involves it, or knows how to lock it up or destroy it, but at this point it just seems like a bad idea. Especially since he's an asshole.
But he won't get the chance at least in this issue because Lex Luthor shows up behind him and says that he'll blow a hole through his back if he even tries to take that ring. So strangely enough, Lex Luthor to the rescue. These are strange times we live in folks. That's it for this month's Justice League and I'm already jonesin' for the next. Make sure you're back here to see if Chief gets what's coming to him and hopefully see the rest of the Doom Patrol realize that they don't need that asshole.
Bits and Pieces:
As hyped as I was to finally get the Doom Patrol, after reading this issue I'm not impressed, which also makes me a little angry. I'm a roller coaster of emotions right now because I got what I wanted and the issue was good, but I suffer because I always want more. Hopefully you guys out there in interwebs land don't have my affliction and can enjoy this comic for exactly what it is, a decent issue with a lot of characters and a lot of action. So yeah go get this issue because you'll enjoy it and I'll continue sitting here being a fickle mush head.
7.8/10
No comments:
Post a Comment