Catwoman #33 Review

Written by: Ann Nocenti
Art by: Patrick Olliffe, John Livesay and Tom Nguyen
Cover Price: $2.99
Release Date: July 25, 2014

Turn Off the Gaslight When You're Done

I don't know what the hell I just read.  I don't consider myself an Einstein or Newton by any means, but I have a basic understanding of the English language.  I can usually follow the pretty pictures in a book and get the gist of what's going on.  I'm a college graduate for Christ's sake.  Yes, it was from West Virginia University, but it's still kind of a college.  So why for the life of me can't I understand what I just read?  I'm going to go read the issue a couple more times and I'll be back to hopefully shed some light on the riddle that is Catwoman #33.

Okay, I'm back and I'll do my best.  This is the last issue in the Race of Thieves arc, but the race is over.  I barely knew it started.  We got the Wacky Racers issue last week and I guess that was it.  Catwoman got a boat load of money (from betting on the old guy last month), but she's pissed.  So pissed she ruins a computer screen by scratching it.  Why?  Roulette fixed the "race" and no one does that to Selina.  Hmmm...  I guess she's a woman of principle.

Meanwhile, we get back to the Viceroy murder case.  If you haven't been reading, I can't explain it and give it's awfulness any justice. If you have been reading, my condolences to you.  Just know that it involves a free lance coroner (do those exist??) who is working a hundred year old cold case (do coroners do that??) who deputized Selina into the GCPD (is he allowed to do that??).  It seems they have cracked the case and that leads back to Hunt Stone.

It seems that Hunt Stone was behind the Race of Thieves the whole time.  Unfortunately, it makes no sense whatsoever.  He set up a Race of Thieves because he wrongly thought his ancestor committed murder?  WTF!!!  The best part?  His ancestor didn't commit the murder and he actually is the rightful heir to a huge fortune, but destroys all the evidence to prove it.  I'm still confused on why he set up that stupid race, but I did chuckle at his stupidity.

Back to Roulette, Selina is getting revenge on her by pulling off a series of ridiculous pranks.  Mechanical robot in the swimming pool? Check.  Rigging her Bowflex?  Check.  Sending thugs to ruin her reputation with the "Chinese Investment Community"?  Big check. The best one was when Selina disguised herself as Roulette's chauffeur.  I say disguised, but she actually is wearing her Catwoman outfit with a chauffeur hat on.  If that's not funny enough, she punks Roulette by running the car head on into a tree.  I expected a bloody Catwoman to be lying halfway through the windshield mouthing "gotcha" with her last breath.  Seriously, pranks have really gone to the next level since my day.

The book ends with a big Catwoman/Roulette throw down that ends with a Groundhog Day reference and  Selina putting files away in a place so secret she forgets where it is.  I tried to make some sense of this book, but forgive me if I failed.

I usually talk about the art here and while it is okay, I'm not sure that Olliffe, Livesay and Nguyen knew what Ann was writing either. That they could make enough sense to draw pictures that sort of followed the story is amazing.  Kudos to any artist with the unfortunate task of working with this mad woman.

Bits and Pieces:

Catwoman #33 is pure and utter nonsense.  Actually, that's too much of a compliment.  This issue is the worst issue in an already horrid series.  I had fun laughing at Catwoman for awhile, but now it's just sad.  I'm done here.  Goodnight.

1.0/10